My Love Potion
by DwaejiTokki
Summary: A prank gone too far causes JD to fall madly in love with Carla. Oneshot. Complete.


My Love Potion

 **Summary** : A prank gone too far causes JD to fall madly in love with Carla.

 **Rating** : T

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own _Scrubs_ nor its characters.

 **Dedicated to** : ABEDFAN

"Drink this."

JD glanced up from the chart he was doodling on, eyebrows raised. The Janitor was standing in front of him, leaning casually on his mop handle. He extended a pink perfume bottle to the doctor.

"No, thanks," he said, sitting straighter. He closed the chart and tucked his clicky top pen back into his shirt pocket. JD flashed a small smile and tried to escape.

"Stop." The Janitor gave JD a long-suffering look, cocking his head to one side. "Why won't you drink it?"

JD eyed the bottle. "I'm a doctor. I know what will happen if I drink perfume."

Janitor raised an eyebrow and examined the bottle. "This isn't perfume," he said. "It's love potion."

JD narrowed his eyes. "Why do you want me to drink love potion?"

"To see if it works," Janitor shrugged. He held up a finger before JD could leave again. "Listen to this: 'Whosoever takes a sip of this concoction shall fall madly in love with whomever first meets the drinker's gaze.' So, drink it, Scooter."

"I'm not going to drink it," JD said, exasperated. "I've got patients to see!"

"Hm." Janitor looked a bit disappointed, and turned to the nearest person. "Drink this."

The young nurse in the bright pink scrubs he had stopped looked at him a bit suspiciously. "What is it?"

"I'm trying to invent a new flavor for bubblegum. Try it and see if it's good," he lied smoothly.

JD rolled his eyes, but then looked shocked when the woman shrugged, smiled, and untopped the potion. She sipped it and smacked her lips thoughtfully. "I don't taste anything, really."

Janitor didn't look at her, but took the bottle back. "Thank you. Hey, who's that over there?"

She turned met eyes with Dr. Mickhead, who winked at her as he passed. The nurse gasped and put a hand over her chest as though her heart were fluttering, giggling maniacally. She shyly tucked a lock of hair behind her ears, then turned and scurried after him, pushing her bosom up so as to form ample cleavage.

"It works," Janitor declared, lifting the pink bottle into the air. Then he extended it to JD. "Drink it."

"No!"

He hurried away, throwing surreptitious glances over his shoulder to make sure the Janitor didn't follow him.

"I'll get you," Janitor muttered under his breath, squinting after the doctor. "I'll get you, Scooter."

 _I can't do this all on my own_

 _No, I know_

 _I'm no Superman_

 _I'm no Superman_

Soon enough JD had forgotten about the Janitor and his latest craziness, and his mind turned to his thoughts. JD wondered where his friends were. He knew Carla was coming later in the day because she had traded shifts with another nurse. Turk was probably in surgery, and Elliot had a day off. Dr. Cox was undoubtedly seeing to his patients—Something JD himself should have been doing.

Chastising himself, JD went to do his rounds, completely unaware that the Janitor was following his every move from the security room. He flipped the pink bottle in his hand, frowning thoughtfully. His plan would soon come to fruition.

Very soon.

The Janitor caught the bottle in his hand again, then chuckled deviously.

"Well," said JD, looking up from his chart, "all the tests we've run have come back negative. We'll keep running some more, Mrs. Levin. Don't worry, we're going to find out what's causing your pain, okay?"

"Thank you, Doctor," smiled the young woman tiredly from her bed. Dark rings encircled her sunken gray eyes, and her skin appeared ashy under the fluorescent lights. Her bangs were matted to her clammy brow while the rest of her black ringlets splayed out on the fluffy pillow underneath her.

JD returned the smile cordially and nodded, slapping the clipboard shut and going on his way. He handed it off to the first nurse he happened across, relaying that the patient needed more blood and urine samples sent to the lab for yet another series of tests. Then he continued on his way.

He decided to check and see if Turk was out of surgery yet and so headed that way. Seeing that the elevator was about to leave, he called for its occupants to hold it and ran for it, holding his stethoscope. JD made it and turned to thank the person who had held the doors for him, but then recoiled.

Before he could escape again, the doors slid shut.

He was trapped with the Janitor, who was staring intently at him and proffering the romantic phial again. "Drink it, Scooter."

"No, thanks." JD clasped his hands in front of himself and let his eyes roam the doors in front of him, waiting for the car to arrive at his floor.

Janitor narrowed his eyes. "Please?"

"No."

"Do it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't believe you!" JD said, exasperated. "You just blackmailed that nurse into pretending to fall in love with the first person to make eye contact with her."

"I don't blackmail," Janitor said defensively. He pocketed the potion. "Know what? Fine. Don't try it."

"I won't."

"You're just going to live the rest of your miserable doctor life as a loveless wraith. Maybe surround yourself with cats or a stuffed squirrel army." Janitor took on a sad, faraway look, and JD grimaced in discomfort.

The doors finally opened with a _ding_ , and JD bounded out.

At that moment the Janitor returned to the present and found that he was alone. "Hey!" he uttered as the doors shut again.

JD found himself face-to-face with Dr. Wen, the Chief Surgeon. The man recognized him instantly and shook his head in much the same way he would when informing a family that their loved one had not made it. JD's face fell at the silent news. Just as quickly his slumped shoulders came back up when his pager beeped, and he professionally unclipped it from his waist and read the message.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath.

He spun on his heels and took off running back to the ICU, shoes pounding on the linoleum floors. There was no time to take the elevator, so he went up the stairs two at a time. But just as he reached the fourth floor, a tall, menacing figure halted him.

"Drink it," said the Janitor commandingly.

"No time!" JD cried, shoving past him with adrenaline-induced strength. He burst out of the door and careened towards his destination, only to slow to a stop as he approached. A nurse was calling the time of death of his patient, Mrs. Levin.

Dr. Cox turned and regarded JD silently.

"I was here," JD panted, staring dejectedly at the woman's peaceful face. "I was here ten minutes ago! Damn it."

"Can't save 'em all, Newbie," Dr. Cox said matter-of-factly.

Janitor approached from behind JD and whistled at the sight of the deceased Mrs. Levin. "Hmm," he murmured, putting what was meant to be a comforting—or understanding—hand on JD's shoulder. "Oh, drink this. It'll make you feel better."

JD clenched his jaw angrily when the Janitor tried to give him the potion again. "For the last time, _I will not drink the love potion_!"

"Love potion?" Dr. Cox repeated, raising a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Yeah," Janitor nodded seriously. "Whosoever takes a sip of this concoction shall fall madly in love with whomever first meets the drinker's gaze. Wanna try it?"

Dr. Cox touched his nose and folded his arms across his broad chest, giving the Janitor his signature squint-eyed glare. "No," he said, feigning an apologetic voice despite all outward appearance. "No, I don't want to drink your love potion. Because love potions don't exist, and they never have, and they ne- _he-_ ver will. In fact, that's probably a mixture of cat piss, pond water, HIV-positive _monkey_ blood, and extract of sewage with a pinch of the rare _idiot-bastard-Sasquatch-fairy_ flower powder, and _just_ for a bit of flavor a _dash_ of lonely-old-widow tears. It does _nuh-hawt_ work."

Janitor pulled a face. "No," he said, pulling the bottle close to his face and turning it to read the label. "The ingredients are: water, jasmine, rose, vanilla, and cinnamon. Hmm. You'd think it'd taste better. But anyway, it _does_ work because I've used it on several people, including my three janitor daughters. I made them look into the eyes of three janitor suitors I found on Craigslist. Which reminds me, I need to get the next weekend off because we're having a triple wedding."

Dr. Cox and JD stared at him like he'd grown triple heads.

"Anyway," Janitor said, shaking his head as though to clear it. He turned back to JD. "I'm trying to help you. Drink it."

JD resolutely shook his head, scowling petulantly.

Dr. Cox groaned in disgust. "Give it to me. Watch closely now, because I'm going to pruh- _hoove_ that this stuff does _nuh-hawt_ work. Watch me, now. Watch."

Once he was absolutely certain that their eyes were on him, Dr. Cox took a swig of the potion. He smacked his lips distastefully and held up a finger after handing back the potion. He stooped and put his hands on his knees, eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at someone who was being wheeled back to his bed.

It was none other than Mr. Pickles, the elderly stroke patient who was only able to utter the word "Pickles!" at intervals.

JD was content that his mentor would save him from the Janitor's latest scheme, and watched smugly. Janitor grimaced when he saw who Dr. Cox was intent on.

"Pickles!" cried Mr. Pickles when he saw Dr. Cox.

Dr. Cox blinked rapidly, standing straight as the old man was wheeled closer and then past him. "Pickles, indeed," he growled in a low, husky voice, smiling wolfishly. Seemingly forgetting the presence of the other two, Dr. Cox hurried after the intern wheeling his new lover, barking at her to let him take over.

JD's jaw dropped to the floor, and Janitor merely shook his head.

"See? It works."

"Oh, my god," JD whispered in awe, turning back to his nemesis with wide, fearful eyes. "Dr. Cox is in love with Mr. Pickles!"

Janitor nodded. "Now do you want it?"

JD reached for it hesitantly, then recoiled. "I shouldn't…Unless…I can get someone else to drink it and then look into my eyes!"

"No, no," Janitor shook his head. "It doesn't work that way. The drinker drinks the potion and falls in love, and then romanticizes his or her way into the other person's life. Big Boobs Nurse from earlier today has already gotten Dickhead Doctor's number."

JD pursed his lips, studying the bottle. "It's worth a shot." He whisked it out of Janitor's hand and went on his way.

"Hmm," Janitor grunted, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Not even a 'thank you.' Typical doctor." He turned to Mrs. Levin, still lying uncovered in the bed until Doug came to transport her to the morgue. "Am I right? ...Hmm. No answer. Typical corpse."

He shook his head disapprovingly and ambled away.

JD, meanwhile, already had a very good idea of whose eyes he wished to look into. He made his way to the nurse's station. "Hey, Carla," he greeted distractedly.

"Bambi," she responded in kind. "How have things been today while I was gone?"

"Usual," he grunted, eyes roaming. The vial felt hot in his palm. "Have you seen Nurse Tisdale?"

Carla looked around, and spotted her. "Over there. Ooh, she's making coffee. I'm going to go get some." With that, she and JD both bustled off in that direction.

While no one was looking, JD took a quick sip of the potion and slammed his eyes shut so he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone else's eyes. "Carla, is Nurse Tisdale here?"

"Um, yes?"

JD opened his eyes enthusiastically, only to see that the blonde nurse had her back to him. He hissed in dismay and was about to call out to her when Carla asked, "Bambi, are you okay?"

Almost as though there were some outer, greater force at work, JD's eyes flicked to hers, and their souls met. He instantly froze, staring wide-eyed at the Latina nurse. His heart thumped wildly in his chest, and a strange heat crept up his spine.

The love potion at work.

"I…I…"

"JD?" she asked, now concerned. "Are you feeling all right?" Carla raised a hand and pressed it to his brow, eyebrows knitted. "Well, you don't have a fever."

"I…I…I…I love you!" JD blurted.

Carla blinked, taken aback, and JD engulfed her in a bear hug.

"Um, I love you, too?" she said, confused at his (more erratic than usual) behavior. "Bambi, what's going on?"

"Nothing," he grinned, stepping back. "I just love you so much!"

After a moment she smiled coyly. "Did Turk put you up to this? Is this some kind of test?"

JD's smile faded a bit and he shook his head. "No, no. Carla, I truly love you. Please be with me?"

"Sorry, Bambi. I'm not falling for it. And even if you were serious, honey," she said, patting his chest as she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "I'm dating Turk."

Then she spun and left him, coffee mug in hand, to continue her job.

JD narrowed his eyes. "Turk," he growled under his breath.

Almost as though he were moving automatically, he went to the elevator and jabbed the call button repeatedly. How dare Turk take _his_ girl?! JD would show his chocolatey ass.

After what felt like an eternity, the doors slid open.

"V-Bear!" exclaimed Turk, spreading his arm.

JD's eye twitched, and he threw himself at his best friend with the intent of tackling him. Unfortunately, Turk was too sturdy, and he wrapped his arms tightly around JD and squeezed. JD groaned loudly as his back cracked.

Turk let him go, still grinning. JD glowered at him.

"So, you want to hear all about my surgery today, right?" Turk asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he stepped out of the elevator.

"No, I don't, actually," JD said sassily. "I have a bone to pick with you, Turk."

"Me?" he repeated, pulling a face. "What'd I do?"

"You messed with my girl," JD growled.

Turk's confused expression morphed into a good-humored one. "Ah, you got me for a second there Vanilla Bear. Anyway, about this surgery—"

"I don't want to hear about your surgery!" JD flapped his arms. "I'm really angry with you!"

Turk pouted. "Dude, what's up?"

"I'm in love with Carla, that's what's up," JD said. "And I challenge you to a duel for her hand in marriage."

"Dude," Turk said, "you're not making any sense. Have you been eating cane sugar again?"

"No," JD responded ruefully. "I'm making perfect sense, you girl-stealer!"

"Stealer?" he scoffed. "Carla's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

" _Mine_ ," JD screeched. "Carla is in love with me! She only dated you to get close to me."

Turk shook his head pityingly.

"Don't believe me?" JD asked. "I'll prove it to you. Right now."

With that he spun on his heels and ran back to the nurse's station, Turk following closely. Carla was standing behind the counter, looking over a file as she sipped at her coffee.

"Carla," JD said, popping up in front of her.

She started in surprise, spilling a bit of hot coffee down the front of her scrubs. "JD!" she exclaimed, setting the cup down and reaching for the nearest cloth with which to wipe it off.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "Why don't you let me treat you to dinner tonight, make it up to you?"

Turk, standing behind JD, fervently shook his head 'no,' waving his arms for emphasis.

Carla, of course, saw him and smirked deviously. "Sure, Bambi. I'd _love_ to go to dinner with you tonight."

" _Yes_!" JD hissed, pumping his fist.

" _No_!" Turk lamented, putting his hands on his head.

"Pick me up at eight," she said sexily, drawing her fingertip lightly across his jawline as she passed him. Her other hand slapped a file onto his chest, which he caught automatically as he watched her go dreamily.

Then he turned to Turk smugly, who glared at him.

"It's _on_ ," Turk declared menacingly.

JD snorted and strolled off to do his job.

* * *

"So," Carla said, leaning on her elbows on the table, "what is it you like about me, Bambi?"

"Oh," JD mumbled with a mouthful of spaghetti, "everything."

Carla raised an eyebrow and picked up her fork to twirl her own noodles. "Oh?" she said.

JD nodded hurriedly and swallowed. "Yup, everything. Your eyes, your hair, your hands, your butt, your legs, your voice, your pancakes—all of it."

She smiled indulgently. "Well, thank you," she said. "But I mean, what do you like about _me_?"

"You're caring," JD said, "and nice, and sweet. Sometimes you get worked up over the little things, but it's cute. And I like the way you always know when someone needs help."

"Oh," Carla said, this time a little taken aback. She blushed shyly and looked demurely down at her plate.

Turk, who was sitting at one end of the table and glaring at the two cafeteria-goers, petulantly interjected, "Baby, I love all that about you, too!"

"Quiet, Turk," Carla said in a no-nonsense tone.

Turk slouched dejectedly, lower lip jutting. "Man."

The romantic couple continued to ignore Turk and their other coworkers. It was spaghetti night in the hospital cafeteria. Though it wasn't a favorite of Carla's, she still appreciated a good meal, and she would need the energy for her shift. And it tasted even better since JD kindly paid for hers.

"Carla," JD said. "Will you tell me about your family? I want to hear about your Dominican heritage."

Delighted that he had remembered her race and that she loved her family, Carla swiftly agreed. Turk sulked more. Idly she wondered whether the two had some sort of bet going on, but as her boyfriend continued acting the way he did she decided that perhaps JD really did love her—yikes.

Carla loved JD, too, but like a brother.

JD knew that, of course, but he was certain that he could make her feelings toward him grow. All it took was a bit of romantic nurturing and the lighting of an unquenchable, fiery passion, and she was as good as hers. So what if it hurt Turk? JD was in love, and he'd be damned if he let it slip away.

He would kiss her tonight to awaken her true feelings.

Suddenly he realized that she had been talking the entire time he'd thought that, and he quickly latched onto her. He nodded emphatically at the right moments to let her know that he was listening. JD had forgotten how much _work_ went into establishing a relationship. But it would all be worth it.

By the time Carla had finished telling JD about her great-grandmother's life and was moving on to her grandmother's, they had finished up their dinner break and had to get back to work. Turk had left sometime before, sullenly, because he'd gotten a page for surgery. Good riddance, as far as JD was concerned.

"I'll walk you back to the nurse's station," JD offered sweetly. It was time to set his plan in motion.

Carla smiled agreeably.

JD reached out and took her hand in his own, and while she raised her eyebrows in playful disbelief she did not pull away. It actually felt kind of nice to walk through the hallways with a nice-looking boy on her arm.

Even when they were alone in the elevator, JD resisted. It would be better to kiss her at the nurse's station. That way, everyone would see his display, his announcement of his undying love for Carla Espinosa—and he'd have a quick escape if Carla did not appreciate it right then. After all, she was still _technically_ dating Turk.

"Here we are," he said once they had reached the desk. JD stopped her, still holding on to her hand. "I had a really nice time tonight."

"Me, too," Carla said warmly. "Thank you, Bambi."

"No," he said seriously, meeting her gaze, "thank _you._ " With that he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against hers. Her eyes widened in shock, and then she melted into it a little. But then she suddenly came to her senses.

"JD!" she gasped, pulling away and covering her mouth with her hands, aghast at both him and herself.

He looked back at her warily.

They both turned around when Dr. Cox and the Janitor, from their hiding place down the hall, began to guffaw.

Carla and JD frowned at them. "What?" they demanded in unison.

Dr. Cox, grinning like Christmas came early, addressed JD: "Did you honest to _God_ a- _hac_ -tually believe that love potion _crap_? Newbie!" He shook his head and tsked.

" _Love potion_?" Carla repeated dangerously.

JD's cheeks bloomed scarlet as he suddenly realized that he'd been had.

"Ha, yeah," Janitor chuckled, wiping an eye.

Betrayed, JD turned to Dr. Cox. "My own mentor," he said in a disappointed tone. "Aw, man. Now I have to make up with Turk…But why?!"

Dr. Cox and Janitor, arms folded, looked up and cocked their heads to the right in a signature JD move.

 _"_ _Hey," Janitor said, approaching Dr. Cox._

 _He looked up from the chart he was writing in, eyebrows raised._

 _"_ _Help me sell this love potion idea," Janitor said, leaning on his mop._

 _"_ _Why on this God's green-given Earth would I do that?"_

 _"_ _I want to destroy, uh," he looked at his hand, on which he had written a name, "John Dorian. I'm bored. See, this love potion thing doesn't work, but I want to make him believe it does. You know, for funsies." He shrugged._

 _Dr. Cox regarded him for a moment, squinting as though the man were some kind of hazy portrait. "So you want_ me _to help_ you _humiliate my so-called protégé because you're bored?"_

 _"_ _Yep."_

 _"…_ _Count me in."_

They came back at the same time, shaking their heads to clear them. Dr. Cox looked at JD again. "Hah," he said, shrugging happily.

JD shook his head, pressing his lips together. He pushed past them and walked away, shoulders hunched. He had never been so embarrassed, except for that one time he—

Seeing her Bambi getting hurt at the butt end of a bad joke was enough to make Carla forget JD's behavior toward her while he was in love. She went off on the two prankers, shouting at them in Spanish and gesturing wildly.

Janitor cringed and looked a bit frightened.

Dr. Cox stared at her head-on, arms folded and chin raised. He could understand her—for the most part. Of course, he would have to give in eventually and go apologize to the idiot, but he wouldn't go without a fight.

* * *

Ted sighed, running a hand over his sweaty bald head. His work day had finally finished, and he would have a semi-warm meal waiting for him at home—hopefully.

As he was packing his papers into his briefcase, he spotted a pink bottle on the edge of his desk that hadn't been there before. Someone had probably decided to give him perfume again in the hopes that he would use it to mask his anxiety-sweat smell.

He picked it up. "Love Potion," he read. "Huh."

The lawyer opened it to smell it, only to be startled when the door slammed inward. His hand jerked toward him, spilling the contents of the bottle into his mouth, and he automatically swallowed to avoid choking.

Kelso stepped in. "Ted! I need you to be my pool boy for a week until Enid can pick another hot young body she likes. See you at noon tomorrow!" Then he left.

Ted blinked. "O-kay," he answered, although the Chief of Medicine had already gone. He looked down at the bottle. "Whosoever takes a sip of this concoction shall fall madly in love with whomever first meets the drinker's gaze."

He looked up thoughtfully.

Then a look of horror and despair crossed his face.

"Oh nooo!"

END.


End file.
